Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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