Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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