Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
