I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
