I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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