I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
