He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
