Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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