i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
