I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
