U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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