Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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