I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hippo gnu deer
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
