I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
