I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Say something about gay babies.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
