My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
