i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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