Tell her she can't have a vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
