First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
