I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
false alarm, still single
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