do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
