a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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