I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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