and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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