And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
