I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't turn off my feet"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
