I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
