i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
