I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
