i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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