Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
