we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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