Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
