That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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