Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
