Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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