Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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