I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
