Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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