You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
