Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
