My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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