I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
