i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
