Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
