Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
