I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
