what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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