Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to cum in my sink.
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