3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You can't motorboat a personality
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
