if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We need to get me chipped asap
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
