I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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